A great wedding vendor can completely transform your planning process. Where there once was stress and uncertainty, your process becomes filled with color and magic, beauty and order. But what do you do if, at some point in the process, your e-mails and phone calls go unanswered? How do you know when a vendor’s silence is just situational, and when it’s something else entirely? Whether you need just a little patience or you need to let go, we’re here to help. By the end, we promise, you’ll feel reconnected– with your vendor or with your own intuition. Read on for our best tips!
Photography: Thecablookfotolab
1. Give them grace
We really can’t emphasize this enough: wedding vendors do it all. Imagine if someone told you that you had to create your masterpiece—and you had a week to do it. Vendors really pour out their hearts and put their bodies on the line for the sake of their art– and their clients. Even though they plan events for a year or longer, they have just a handful of days to execute a vision. Each wedding comes with so much buildup and anticipation—both from the perspective of the bride and the vendor—and a true artist will do anything to ensure that the day is perfect. Wedding vendors really work full out.
If the intensity of wedding production wasn’t enough, all vendors go through the daily grind of owning and operating a business: taxes, admin work, payroll, recollections, you name it. It’s a lot. And yes, it’s true– everyone does hard things for their jobs, and wedding vendors shouldn’t receive special exemptions. But wedding work is unique in that it demands so much of a vendor both artistically and professionally. That’s why it’s so important– for both parties!– to begin with empathy and grace. If you haven’t heard from your vendors in a few days, understand that they are probably giving their all to a project—and you will appreciate this level of commitment so much when it comes time for your own wedding.
Photography: Amanda K. Photography| Photographer host/Photographer: Maria Lamb | Planning, Design, Floral: Kaleb Norman James Design
2. Empathy works both ways
That being said, your experience matters. In a totally ideal, healthy vendor relationship, empathy flows both ways. There should be a mutual sense of, I don’t know what it’s like to be on the other side of this experience, but I want to try and understand. It’s important to recognize that your vendors have a lot on their plates, but it’s equally important that your vendor considers what the experience is like for you as a bride or groom. As you read through these suggestions, try to keep in mind what a healthy vendor relationship looks like— strive to both give and receive that level of grace—and admit when the relationship falls short.
Photography: Alice Ahn Photography | Floral Design: Bali Signature
3. Notice little things before they become big things
The good news? Warning signs generally pop up early; if you pay close attention to your first exchanges, you can learn so much about a vendor’s communication style. Michelle of Michelle Lange Photography strongly encourages brides and grooms to pay attention to these early interactions, as they *usually* set the tone. “When inquiring with vendors it is important to note their responsiveness to not only your inquiry but also any additional correspondences you may have prior to booking,” notes Michelle, adding, “This is usually a good indicator of how responsive they will be after booking.” Ask yourself: how would you describe your first interaction? Professional, prompt, and kind? Or haphazard, disorganized, and confusing? “If you are unhappy with their response time, go with your gut and continue searching until you find a better fit,” encourages Michelle. “The last thing you need while planning your wedding is the stress of communication issues that are likely to continue. Every couple deserves to have a great experience with their wedding vendors and it starts with having excellent communication.”
Photography: Jen Huang Photography| Tabletop Rentals: Casa de Perrin | Floral Design: Camellia Floral Design| Event Planning and Design: So Happi Together
4. Ask your planner for an opinion
Wedding planners are the fairy matchmakers of the planning process—one minute they’re meeting you, the next, their introducing you to your (wedding vendor) soulmate. Planners draw from years of experience and insight, and can tell you firsthand what it’s like working with a vendor… or who you might have even better chemistry with. “We encourage our couples to really get to know the vendors they are looking to partner [with] and make sure they are good fit not only for their vision but personality-wise,” explains Jessica and Michael Masi of Masi Events. “As planners, we facilitate this stage as we really get to know our couples in a way that we know how to narrow down to a few or perhaps even one vendor” who can spark “an immediate connection.”
Photography: Ana Lui
5. Set expectations early
“It’s important to communicate mutually your expectations from the very beginning,” according to Jessica and Michael Masi of Masi Events, who encourage their brides and grooms to ask their vendor about their “preferred method of communicating via phone or email, times, and frequency.” If your text messages don’t elicit a response, it could be that your vendor prefers a more formal approach. That’s why it’s so essential to ask questions like, How often should I hear from you? When can I expect to receive my visual proposal? Is e-mail the best way to be in touch? You know yourself best, so don’t be shy about bringing up any anxieties well before they become an issue. You can tell a vendor, “I really rely on communication, and hearing from you gives me so much peace of mind.”
Planner & Workshop Host: Sinclair & Moore | Photography: Kerry Jeanne Photography
6. Add a timeframe to your e-mails
Maybe things seemed great in the beginning, but suddenly you can’t get your vendor to respond. Don’t panic just yet! There’s always a kind and tactful way to ask for what you want outright. “I think it is important to put some sort of time aspect in every email,” suggests Michelle of Michelle Lange Photography. “For example, ‘Hey, I would love to hear your thoughts by this Friday.’ Try to think one step ahead of the game so that you can give your vendor a reasonable time to respond. Additionally, if you have a read receipt function for your email, use that to make sure the email is getting through to the vendor.” If you have a certain time expectation, express it. Then you can know for sure whether a vendor is truly being unresponsive and disregarding your wishes.
Workshop Host/Lead Photographer: Lauren Fair Photography | Floral Design: Vintage Florals
7. Keep their schedules in mind
As you communicate with vendors, always be mindful of what time of the season and week it is. From a purely practical standpoint, if a vendor is in wedding production, the needs of that wedding will rank higher than those of a project that’s months out. It doesn’t mean that one project matters more than the other; the needs of one are simply more pressing. “I personally try to respond to all my emails within 24 hours, but some may need an extra day or two during their busy season to respond,” explains Michelle of Michelle Lange Photography. If you send a message in the spring or summer months (and this is situation specific; many vendors don’t really have an ‘off season’ to speak of) or closer to the weekend, it may take a bit take a bit longer to receive a response. Again, when it comes time for your wedding, you will so appreciate these very qualities in a vendor, as they give your project their complete and undivided attention.
Photography: Jose Villa | Photography Support: Rossini Photography | Floral Design: Anthea Studio | Floral Design: Tulipina | Coordination: Anna Chiatto | Coordination: Vita Grilli Event Designer
8. Be a little more assertive
If the timeframe you’ve requested has come and gone without a response, your messages should take on a slightly more persuasive tone. Confrontation doesn’t have to be unkind; you can simply refer back to your previous e-mail and requested timeline. Consider something to the effect of, “I had hoped to make contact by Friday, the time-frame I requested in my previous e-mail, sent on (date). I completely understand that you are busy with wedding season, but it’s necessary that we meet so that we can both move forward with our plans.” Michelle of Michelle Lange Photography says clients in this situation should ask to speak directly to the vendor: “If you do not receive a response by the reasonable response date, follow up again and request a phone call or Skype meeting to answer your question.”
9. Reach out on social
“I hope it never gets this far, but if you still do not receive a response, message them on their most active social media platform,” says Michelle of Michelle Lange Photography. Like Michelle, we encourage e-mails and phone calls first, and using social media as a kind of last resort.
Photography: Erich McVey Photography | Planning and Design: Laurie Arons Special Events
10. Try to understand the reason behind the lack of response
If your vendor is being unresponsive, try to get to the heart of the matter. “It’s important to find out and truly understand the reasoning behind the vendor’s lack of response,” note Jessica and Micheal Masi of Masi Events. “This can be anything from a personal issue, workflow management, or in the worst-case scenario, unprofessionalism.” We know it’s hard, but try to divorce yourself from your emotional response to the situation, and really understand what’s going on. It may very well be that your vendor has a good reason for their silence—and it may have nothing to do with you. Regardless, if you approach the issue from a place of genuine curiosity– and not defensiveness– you’re more likely to receive a genuine answer.
11. Life Happens
Like all people, wedding vendors sometimes go through hard times that prevent them from being as responsive as they normally would. Illness, loss, and suffering of any kind can upend their lives and routines. In the most ideal situation, vendors will be transparent about what’s going on and a) tell you when you can expect to resume planning, or b) graciously offer your deposit back. Unfortunately, though, they might just go off the grid. This is where compassion and empathy comes into play. Before you react, understand that you just don’t know what someone is going through. Respond in a way that you will be proud of regardless of the situation. You’ll never regret sending a classy, professional, straightforward letter. You have every right to protect your investment, voice your concerns, and express your needs— just try to do so in a way that begins with empathy.
Photography: Mariel V
12. (Maybe) have a heart-to-heart
In some circumstances, it may make the most sense to approach things on a human (and not strictly a professional) level. Your relationship with your wedding vendor may be all business, but you may also share some kind of creative connection or friendship.
If that’s the case, you could begin with something like, “Clearly, I love your work—that’s why I was drawn to you in the first place. I have a vision for my wedding, and that vision has always included you! That’s why your lack of communication not only concerns me, but hurts me a little. I know that you’ll do your best work and I’ll have the best experience when we trust each other, and right now I’m not there. What is it going to take to repair this and move forward in a way that’s beneficial for both of us?” You’ll feel better after writing it and your vendor may even be surprised to find how you feel; says Masi Events, “it is important to be honest and clearly communicate if you are feeling unattended to by the vendors you have hired because they might not realize you are feeling this way.”
Photography: Amanda Kay Photography
13. Nobody said it was easy…
As with any other relationship, you’ll know in your heart when you’ve tried everything, and the partnership just isn’t going to last. Most vendors will be receptive to your attempts to schedule a meeting or get to the heart of the issue, but if they aren’t, it’s ok to admit that things didn’t work out. You may be frustrated and feel wronged, and a vendor breakup may very well break your heart. But in the end—for both parties—there’s something liberating about releasing what isn’t meant to be. The planning process is an incredible indicator of what the wedding day will look like, and if it’s been this much of a struggle to get on the same page—practically, creatively, emotionally—it’s likely that you just won’t be happy come wedding day.
Photography: Rebecca Yale Photography
14. Re-read your contract
If it’s time to end things, you’re going to need to know the facts. Before you send a cancellation letter, familiarize yourself with the terms of your contract, including your vendor’s cancellation policy, deposit terms, and more. If you decide to terminate, there will probably be some financial repercussions. “Each contract will be different and weighing the cost of a lost deposit should weigh into your decision-making process,” state Jessica and Michael Masi of Masi Events. This a hugely frustrating part of the process, and a costly lesson to have to learn. There’s no sugar-coating it: it’s so difficult to lose not only a partnership but also an investment– and that includes the sheer amount of time you invested.
In some circumstances, your vendor will be gracious enough to return a deposit. But if you’re going to cancel, you probably need to want out badly enough that you’re willing– and have come to terms with- losing said deposit. If you’re willing to dedicate time and expenses, you may be able to recover the deposit. Then again, you may not. And in the end, isn’t this true of any kind of breakup? We always lose something— whether it’s a piece of our trust, our happiness, our time, our resources– but usually, we go on to heal, reclaim our joy, and find something even better for us. As the saying goes, not everything you lose is a loss.
Photographer Host/Photography: Amanda K. Photography | Photographer host/Photographer: Maria Lamb | Planning, Design, Floral: Kaleb Norman James Design
15. Step Away
If you’re still signed on but waiting to hear back from a vendor, and it’s really got you down, focus on the things you can control. It may sound cliché, but redirecting your attention to something positive– and manageable– will help you cling less tightly to this vendor situation. Make it fun! Treat yourself to a salon day, and plan something gorgeous for your wedding day hair and makeup. Pick out the perfect shade of wedding day nail polish. Schedule engagement photos, and go somewhere beautiful in nature, so you can just be in the moment, spend time with your fiancé, and dream of the beautiful life that awaits you. Little treats like this will remind you that the wedding planning process really does have its magic– and that the entire process is leading you to forever with the one you love. Stepping away from a stressful situation won’t solve everything, but it will be so good for your soul.
And who knows? Maybe you’ll come back home from your fun day out and find a new message waiting. Sometimes, all it takes is letting go.
Photography: Julia Kaptelova Photography
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