Whether you’ve decided to take the reins and carry out the planning yourself, or hired a planner and designer to make some of the magic happen, when it comes to orchestrating the details of your wedding day, emotions can run a little high. As a benchmark, once in a lifetime moment in your life, it’s hard not to miss the forest for the trees, especially when inundated with decisions ranging from what dress to wear to what food to serve to DJ vs live band–and, for real this time, there’s plenty more where that came from. The key to not losing your head in the months leading up to the big day lies somewhere between staying organized and letting loose. We asked real brides to share their tried and tested advice (after all, they’ve been there!) on what it takes to go from engaged to newlywed with your sanity still in tact. Here’s a hint: it’s not impossible!
Photography by Asia Pimentel Photography | Top by Monique Lhuillier | Skirt by Zuhair Murad
Stop and smell the roses.
“Getting married is an experience that only happens once, so don’t try and rush it—being engaged is such a special season of life!” says real SMP bride Mary Daniel Simpson, and they’re incredibly wise words for brides to be! We won’t blame you one bit for wanting to put your head down and power through your seemingly endless wedding to-do list. With everything from choosing the band, taste testing the wedding cake, and figuring out how many people you can actually extend an invitation to, your checklist will run the gamut of nitty gritty details to make or break decisions (don’t forget to find an officiant!) which can potentially leave you feeling frazzled, overwhelmed, and off your game. The important thing to remember is that the journey from “She said yes!” to “I do!” is a process that will take time, so you might as well enjoy it while it’s happening. You normal, everyday life doesn’t have to go from zero to sixty as soon as the ring’s on your finger, and you’re better off taking in the engagement season that counting the days until it’s over–it will go by faster than you think!
“Wedding planning can be stressful, so it’s important to continue ‘living’, and not let wedding planning consume your whole life.” Real SMP bride Julie Wang emphasized the importance of remaining cool under all that wedding planning pressure by taking it nice and easy when it came to treating herself throughout the process. “On many occasions, I went out and enjoyed dinner with friends or family. I took relaxing baths, and watched TV or comedy shows, to take my mind off planning. One thing to keep in mind – while the wedding celebration is important, it is more important to have a healthy state of mind.”
Embrace the art of relaxation, if only to give you, your trusty wedding planning sidekicks, and yes, even your groom, a chance to bask in the glow of soaking up all the fun to be had as you make plans for the celebration. Make intentional plans for ‘me time’, even if it’s a Sunday afternoon stroll through the park every week or an ice cream date with your Maid of Honor once a month. It will do wonders for morale, not to mention your sanity, and you’ll never regret easing towards the finish line of the wedding date instead of going after it at full steam ahead.
“I would set aside one day, usually Sundays, to not focus on anything wedding related,” shares real bride & SMP contributor Sarah Koller. With that, I’d treat myself to a nice brunch, a luxurious bubble bath, or a high-quality face mask. This way, I’d feel recharged to tackle the rest of the week and any wedding items that would come my way!”
Photography by Rebecca Arthurs | Event Design by Exquisite Events | Florals by Stoneblossom Floral
Celebrate the little victories.
In the grand scheme of things, planning a wedding can feel more like a marathon and less like a sprint, especially depending on the length of your engagement. While it’s important to keep your eye on the prize, i.e. the wedding day, there’s bound to be countless moments worthy of celebration, if you know where to look. “We celebrated every time something big was accomplished–mailing the save the dates and invitations, picking the band, choosing the florals, booking the caterer–by ordering our favorite Thai food and a chilled bottle of sauvignon blanc,” says Simpson. “Every checkmark on your to-do list gets you one step closer to actually getting to marry one another, so if you think about it that way, embrace all the small celebrations along the way!” It’s good to understand that yes, planning every detail is a job in and of itself, but one that’s immensely rewarding, and worthy of a celebration or two along the way. Finding moments of joy amongst it all is the major key to keeping your spirits up, and a perfect excuse to have some fun just because. Every decision, even the little ones, equate to one more puzzle piece falling into place. Ultimately, it’s all about attitude, and finding small moments of victory is going to improve your outlook on the planning process overall–even if you hire a planner who’s determining your planning timeline for you!–the glass will always be half full when it comes to planning, if you realize that what you’re planning is the ultimate celebration in and of itself.
Photography by Jen Huang Photography | Floral Design by Amanda Vidmar
Prioritize your priorities.
Your wedding day is a deeply personal moment in the course of your life, which means regardless of budget of guest list, what matters most to you should be front and center, both during planning and on the day you say “I do.” You’ll never regret making the decision to focus on what you find to be the most important to you. It’s less about balancing the small decisions with the big decisions, and more about prioritizing what’s important, then see how it makes the rest of the decisions easier to make further down the line. Are florals the most important to you? Perhaps photography? Don’t be swayed in trying to please everyone else’s hopes and desires for you big day–it’s virtually impossible, and a quick and surefire way to set someone–especially yourself–up for disappointment.
A great way to make sure you stay focused and don’t lose sight of what really matters to you is to actually give away some of the responsibility of planning. That might come through choosing a planner that is with you every step of the way or asking for help from your wedding party. “Delegate, delegate, delegate!” says Koller. “When I got overly stressed about having too many tasks, I’d reach out to family, bridesmaids or my MOH for help. Even assigning out small things (like making the playlist for the bridal party bus) made me feel more at ease and reminded me that I wasn’t alone in the process!” Simpson agrees to, citing her planner Anne-Claire as the voice of reason when it came to restructuring their priorities when they needed it. “Have someone in your life that will (1) help you process what your real ‘big fish’ priorities are, and (2) keep those at the forefront of all planning for you. Our wedding planner, Anne-Claire, did that for us. When it seemed like my family or I was losing sight of John’s and my priorities, she would realign us perfectly!
If you’re committed to undergoing the task of planning and designing things without the help of a professional planner during the process, consider your options for a day of coordinator–you will not regret it! This in and of itself will allow the biggest moments of the big day–perhaps your walk down the aisle or your grand exit as husband and wife at the end of the night–to remain peaceful, rather than trying to make sure the checklist gets taken care of while you’re actually trying to enjoy your wedding day. “As the bride, you should only be responsible for drafting your vision, and leave it to the expert (ie. Wedding planner) to help you bring that vision to life. They can typically do a better job than you can, and know what to focus on. They also have a lot of wedding vendors in their network, and can look for the right vendors to create your dream wedding,” says Wang.
Photography by Rachel May Photography | Invitations by Ruby the Fox | Calligraphy by Shotgunning for Love Letters | Planning & Styling by East Made Co
Remember: the small moments are the big moments.
If you start to feel anxious about all the decisions that have to be made, it’s time to slow it down focus in on what’s important. You’ll have to let go of things you can’t control in order to make forward progress; in letting go of perfection, you actually open up the door to embrace what might otherwise pass you by! “It’s easy to sweat thing big things, but the details really make all the difference,” says Koller. It’s important to remember that the process of planning is just as significant and worthwhile as the big day itself, “Sometimes,” says Simpson, “it’s not worth the headache to fight for (or against) something that doesn’t truly matter to you at the end of the day, but it can be hard to remember that in the moment! If you are focused on details and making them all come together in a cohesive manner, then you need someone, preferably a professional, that you trust to bring that all together for you.” That third party can exist as a voice of reason, and also free you up to allow you to see the beauty of all those small, seemingly inconsequential decisions, and how they all fit together to create a beautiful moment in your life. Simpson elaborates: “I fully trusted that Anne-Claire understood and shared our vision, and so it was easy to let her roll with our wedding and make many of the choices for us. It made the entire process so much more enjoyable because I didn’t have to lose sleep wondering if I was making the correct choices. I knew she would, and she did.”
Photography by Les Anagnou photographers | Florals by Betty Flowers Santorini | Dress by The final Bride
Keep the main thing, the main thing.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of planning, which can quickly divert your attention to the thing that matters most: you’re pledging your life to someone “for as long as you both shall live!” “Your wedding should remind you of the “why,” so incorporate things that will make you smile and reflect on moments such as your first date, even if no one else understands them,” says Simpson. “Getting married is the reason you’re planning the wedding in the first place! That’s why it is important to sneak a few moments into your timeline to let it sink in that you’re getting married!” That might mean opting for a first look for some one on one time before those inevitable pre-ceremony jitters–the rest of the day flies by so quickly–but it can also mean intentionally setting aside time during the planning process to reconnect. Koller did so during her engagement, embracing certain milestones along the way: “We’d open a special bottle of wine for being 1 year out, 6 months out, and 3 months out from the big day. We even went out on fun date nights after completing our registry and finishing our invites,” concludes Koller. Her advice to brides: “Keep the bigger picture in mind through it all – you’re marrying your best friend at the end of the day!”
Photography by Kati Mallory Photo & Design | Dress by Laine Berry
Francesca Barger is a wedding enthusiast and the founder and CEO of First Vangarde, the first management group facilitating the representation and management of talent within the bridal industry. Based in the Midwest, she’s worked with companies coast to coast, elevating the careers of a robust portfolio of artists through a commitment to the championing and celebration of their creative talent.
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