How to Relax When He Hasn't Popped The Question Yet
February 15, 2018
When you've been in a long-term relationship, and you know you're both ready to take the next step together towards marriage, it's hard not to get anxious and freak out waiting for the proposal to happen! However, stressing out about the situation can be very damaging to both you and your partner, and you don't want to be so consumed with stress that you risk not enjoying one of the most exciting of times your life!

We spoke with relationship expert and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Mary Kay Cocharo for tips on how to relax and enjoy this period leading up to your engagement:
"For many women, the proposal fantasy can be all-consuming leading her to feel nervous and out of sorts. What should I be wearing? How should I react? What will I say or do? And of course, the most dreaded question, How will I hide my disappointment if the proposal doesn't live up to my fantasy or worse yet, if he doesn't even do it!? What a lot of pressure. Here are some tips if you find yourself hopelessly spinning in this loop.

Relax
This is not your event to orchestrate. If you're the one proposing, do it your way. If you're waiting to be proposed to, let him do it his way! There's absolutely nothing motivating or sexy about you having to micro-manage everything. Recently, I worked with a couple where the bride to be couldn't let go of her disappointment that he had proposed in the wrong way. Despite some good therapy work, they broke up. I believe that he felt he would never live up to her demands for perfection and couldn't imagine a life of that.

Focus on the big picture
The proposal is a step in the long journey of your intimate relationship. You've most likely already had a lot of meaningful events in your lives together and you'll have many more. Try to put this time in perspective. Don't rush through your life, but rather savor each stage and be mindfully present. You will not be pre-engaged again. Enjoy it! There's still time to be engaged (and married, and waiting for a child, and a parent...you get the idea!)

Play it cool
Resist the urge to turn excitement into anxiety. Check your nervous talk at the door when with friends or family. It's okay to be excited, but often we make ourselves more anxious by constantly rehearsing the what ifs. A good answer to those questions about when you're getting married might be, Soon. We're taking our time and paying attention to our needs as a couple.

Prioritize your relationship
Look into your partner's eyes and pay attention to the love and bond between you. The proposal and the wedding will be exactly what the two of you need if you are careful. Ultimately, the fanfare of the proposal, the size of the ring, the grandeur of the wedding—none of that determines the strength and health of your relationship."

Style Me Pretty Contributor – Julia Hurwitz is a freelance writer and Marketing Manager based in New York City. Her interests include travel, global craft, healthy baking, entertaining and exploring the outdoors.