On a warm December day in Michigan, my now husband got down on one knee and asked me to be his forever. We’d dated for 6 years through high school and college prior to getting engaged. I was immediately filled with overwhelming joy and thankfulness. Shortly after he popped the question, we set the date for a June wedding on Lake Michigan.
I was so excited to marry my best friend, but it was after things settled in that I began to hate being engaged. Here’s why…
Once you get that ring on your finger, your personal business immediately feels like it becomes everyone’s business. I was quickly bombarded with questions that caught me off guard and crossed through my personal boundaries. I got questions about the cost, the guest list, the message the officiant was giving, how the sex talk went in marriage counseling, and everything in between. I was frequently shocked by the questions I received and I didn’t know how to react. I constantly felt like my fiancé and I were under the microscope, and while others may love that attention, I really didn’t.
Looking back, I wish someone would have said, “hey let’s go shopping or go for a run…” or anything to give me a break from all of the questions and remind me that I’m a person and not just a bride to be, or future daughter in law, or future wife.
Pinterest gives you the false hope that all of us have a tiny wedding planner inside of our souls who can create elaborate weddings out of THIN air. I was great at visualizing what I wanted and bringing it together (sorry but I’m going to toot my own horn for a hot sec) BUT I didn’t like playing phone tag with the vendors, choosing the food, re-arranging the seating chart for the hundredth time, or writing up the invitations.
For me, the fun parts of planning included shopping for a dress, and picking out the flowers. Everything else was stressful and not enjoyable. Looking back, I wish I had hired an event planner to deal with everything and everyone so that I didn’t have to.
On many occasions during my engagement, I didn’t feel like the “normal” bride. There were a few things I did that may surprise people… I didn’t go to the cake tasting, the first time I visited the venue was the day of the wedding, I didn’t tear up when I picked out my wedding dress, I felt uncomfortable opening wedding presents in front of everyone, and I wasn’t jumping up and down with excitement every second of every day.
I felt like I didn’t fit the mold of “blushing bride” and so I was constantly second guessing myself. I couldn’t relate to many normal emotions and things brides have and do which made me feel isolated. Looking back I realize that each bride is completely different. We’re not all the same just because we’re technically a “bride”. I wish I’d known that then.
Even though being engaged was not for me, marriage is—and I love being married to my best friend.
Style Me Pretty Contributor – Kylie Thompson is a freelance writer, blogger and marketing professional from Grand Rapids Michigan, where she resides with her husband. When she isn’t working, you will find her exploring Grand Rapids’ newest culinary establishments with her husband, or traveling up and down Lake Michigan’s coast.