I’m about to hug my three-year anniversary of being a hired bridesmaid for strangers hello. It might sound like the strangest job you’ve ever heard of, within the wedding industry or just within the world, but I’ve had the pleasure of working with close to 65 clients and have learned so many important lessons from each and every one of them. As their on-call therapist, personal assistant, social director, and peacekeeper, I’ve found myself at the front lines of their family drama, their relationship drama, and even the drama they have with their hired wedding vendors.
So brides-to-be, to save you from endless headaches, spending too much money, or just wishing you would have eloped instead of dived into the world of wedding planning, here are five things I have learned as a bridesmaid for hire.
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As the bride’s hired go-to gal pal, one of my main jobs is to help her filter out wedding nonsense so that she can move along with the wedding process without feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or like she isn’t going to be able to cross every single item off her to-do list. One thing I usually notice is that brides are eager to “keep up with (wedding) Jones,” making sure that they incorporate every wedding tradition, trend, or even expected timeline of the day. Your wedding doesn’t have to look and feel like everyone, or anyone, else’s. You can pick and chose which wedding traditions you’d like to have (if you don’t want to walk down the aisle – there is no rule you have to) and which wedding trends you’d like to toss aside (if virtual reality video isn’t something that gets your heart thumping, don’t spend the $3,000 it).
Even if your back-up plan has a back-up plan, it’s only a realistic approach to fully accept, and even adore, that things will go wrong at your wedding. Perhaps some of those “things” will be tiny and unnoticeable, like a seating arrangement mix-up that the wedding planner handles, or something more eye-catching, like rain pouring through the tent you are having your wedding reception inside of. Either way, things will happen and when you do, try to stay calm and literally carry on with your wedding day. Delegate problems to people who can handle them for you (wedding vendors, reliable friends and family members) so that you can enjoy your wedding day as much as possible.
While having ten or fifteen bridesmaids seemed like a good idea a year before your wedding day, you might notice on the morning of your big day, all you desperately want is peace, quiet, and a highly-trained glam squad to get you looking and feeling good. Having your bridal party beside you all morning may cause you unnecessary headaches or stress. One thing you can do, is have them get ready in the room next to you, so that you can pop in and out whenever you’d like, but also have a room of your own to relax in for down time.
The best piece of wedding advice to digest early on is that you should set a realistic budget that you pinky-promise yourself you’ll keep. A lot of my brides open up with me with the news that their wedding is putting them, slowly, into debt. While you may want the party of your dreams, you don’t have to tap into your 401K to pull it off. Stay true to yourself, only doing what you want to do for your wedding (so ditch the fancy invitations your mom says you have to have) and do lots of research so you can find the very best price on the items or the services you just have to have on your wedding day.
Note to brides: you are not just planning this very expensive party just to plan a very expensive party. You’re planning a celebration of the brand new step you’re taking into marriage with a person who makes you feel differently than anybody else does. So when things get overwhelmed and you’ve had your fifth breakdown of the week over how much you have to do and how much you feel like you’re spending, remember that, and then, go back to the basics of what kind of celebration you really want to have.
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