The week is winding down and I figure what could be better than finishing it with a few more real weddings. If yesterday’s wedding was sweet and sophisticated, this next wedding is vibrant and fresh in a beautifully organic way. The amazing florals were designed by Traci at Violet Designs in Boston…
The oh-so-cute bride, Miya, has offered to share some of the details from her wedding as well as little tidbits of advice that every bride will love…
When we first got engaged, we thought a lot about the kind of feel that we wanted for our wedding. Essentially, it came down to the fact that we wanted a wedding that people would be excited to come to, and where we would have a chance to hang out with our friends and families for the weekend. Since our families and friends are dispersed across the country, we wanted to find a place where people could spend time together without feeling like the wedding was overshadowing everything. I also wanted to showcase my home state (California): this meant bright colors, a laid-back attitude, western and Asian influences, and, of course, concern for the environment.
During the planning process, I was fairly adamant about my belief that an event like a wedding shouldn’t be an excuse to abandon environmental ethics. We used only 100% post-consumer content recycled paper, and we kept our paper consumption to a minimum by having people RSVP by email, and instead of sending information about the area via mail, we replied to RSVPs with a guide to the wine country that we put together as a pdf attachment. We also chose a venue that served local and organic food, and served fish and vegetarian options. That said, you can never make an event to this scale as environmentally friendly as you want, but you can certainly make little tweaks here and there (use soy candles instead of paraffin, use recycled or cotton paper, cut down on the paper that you use, use local and/or organic ingredients, rent from local companies) that can, added up, make a big difference.
I also included a lot of DIY touches…I sewed the panels for the canopy that we were married under, I made the groomsmen’s and bridesmen’s ties, I made the jewelry for the bridesmaids and groomsmaid, made my veil, and designed and printed the invitations, programs, and favors. My dad made the structure to hang the panels for the canopy out of bamboo that had grown in the front yard of my childhood home.
Though ceremonies are often overlooked, ours was very unique and very DIY. Our great friend, appropriately named JC, agreed to marry us, and spend enormous amounts of time helping us plan the ceremony. We wanted to honor the fact that marriages are not just between two people, but occur within a network of family and friends. Instead of having readings on the meaning of marriage, we had our family members speak about what they had learned in their marriages. We had advice from couples who had been married from less than a year to over thirty years. Then, one at a time, they stood up again, and asked us whether we promised to uphold the advice that they had just given us. For example, my parents’ advice was…
“Continue to make time and space for fun in your everyday life together – keep looking for ways to be playful, as often as you can, and laugh until you fall over. Be courageous for each other and together. Remember that small, daily personal acts of courage build a foundation to fall back upon when life gives you a choice requiring a lot of courage. Be kind to one another. Be generous in your offers to bring coffee in the morning and to give the first foot rub at night. Bring home ice cream for no reason. Hold your tongue if you are tired an cranky. And remember that we are all just doing the best we can, even if it is hard to tell sometimes. Most of all, just continue to be your wonderful selves and continue to believe in the mystery of love as it unfolds in its various forms for you over the years.”
Then the vow that they offered was…
“Do you promise to laugh until you fall over, to be courageous, to be extravagant with small kindnesses, and to trust in the mysteries of life and love as they unfold?”
If I were to give one piece of advice to brides who are planning their weddings, it would be to think about what feel you want, and what your priorities are. Once you nail these two things down, you can start to let go of the little things that people spend hundreds of hours obsessing about. The feel that we aimed for was laid-back Californian, and our main priorities were that people feel at ease, and for the wedding to be fun. Once we had established that, the choice to hire a Hawaiian band to play before the ceremony and during our croquet/bocce cocktail hour was clear, as was the choice to forgo fancy napkins and crystal or not to have my hair/ make-up done.
Once your feel and priorities are nailed down, you can also think about where to hold your ground and where you can be more flexible. We received, as a wedding present, a photo booth for the reception. There were more than a few people who thought that this was a terrible idea, and that we should be registering for as much china and for as many kitchen goods as we could. The truth is, however, that we live in a tiny one-bedroom in Manhattan, and that we really have no use for china and kitchen goods past a certain point. I am glad that I stuck to my guns on this one, because the photos from that booth will be the first thing that I save if my house ever burns down.
Nailing down a feel for your wedding and priorities also lets you pick vendors who will make your wedding spectacular. I was very lucky to find Traci for a florist- she has a similar aesthetic as I do, and executed everything perfectly without me having to worry about whether her work would be right. The minute I saw her portfolio, I knew that she would achieve the organic, fun vibe that I was aiming for. I was also drawn to the style of my photographer, Randy Parsons, as she tends to focus on the people at the wedding rather than the details.
The other thing that I would tell brides to be is to remember that once you have a date picked, no matter what disasters happen leading up to or on the day of the wedding, you end up married at the end of the day, and that’s pretty much the best thing about any wedding anyway. Of course, everyone wants to have a perfect wedding, but if you just remind yourself that your marriage matters more than your wedding, then your wedding will seem perfect no matter what happens.
Miya has a great blog that you should check out when you have a minute. And, definitely spend some time perusing Violet Designs site, as Traci has created some absolutely beautiful, completely inspiring designs.
