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Ask Abby

Here is an issue that so many brides and grooms struggle with...the music!

Question 4: We are having a non-religious ceremony on the beach with about 125 guests. The attire is formal and for the most part, the ceremony will be pretty traditional. The only thing left to plan is the entrance music for the parents/grandparents, the bridesmaids and for myself....I want something that is beautiful, but not over-the-top wedding (ie. no "here comes the bride"). We are completely stumped and not sure where to begin.  Any suggestions of great wedding music that isn't too wedding-y?

Any tips for this bride-to-be?

Ask Abby

To Veil or Not To Veil...I get this question a lot from readers, so I thought I would weigh in and see what you guys thought!

Question 3: I am wearing a vintage style dress (Pronovias design Castor which you can see on their site) with the high necked jacket and the low v back.  I have shoulder-blade length straight hair and had originally planned to wear it in a low bun at the nape of my neck with a large ivory silk flower to one side as the allegra one illustrated here.

However, I’m starting to think that I won’t be a ‘bride’ without a veil… My Mum says that as I’m getting married in a barn in a cocktail dress, it’s not necessary, and it will detract from the dress, but I’m not sure.

Can you or your readers suggest a solution? Do any readers have anecdotes about wishing they had worn a veil or deciding not to and feeling ok about it? I thought a little 1950s blusher might be a solution but fear that with the high collar, it will all be a bit busy around my face…

What do you guys think? Any tips for this bride-to-be?

Ask Abby

Our next question comes from a reader who is looking for some creative groom gift ideas...

Question 2: My fiance loves sports (personally plays golf, but loves them all) and is an avid gambler. He's not a fashionista so things like cufflinks are out. I want to get him something meaningful and clever and not resort to getting him a Wii or something like that.

Any fun ideas for this reader?

Ask Abby

I thought that you guys could help me tackle some of the Ask Abby (we are changing the name from Dear Abby so as not to get confused with the real deal "Dear Abby") questions that have been building up in my inbox. The last few weeks of questions have focused on color palettes, though in reality, wedding colors are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to tough decisions couples make throughout the wedding planning process. Here are a few brides that have hit stumbling blocks along the way....

Question 1: I'm getting married in August in Napa with my boyfriend of 8 years. The whole wedding will be fairly nontraditional and we are having a friend marry us. That said, I'm a little lost on what to include in the ceremony aside from our personal vows and a pretty awesome collection of music to carry us down the aisle.

Any creative ceremony ideas that you've seen? Anything fun that this bride-to-be could incorporate into her big day to make it unique? I will pop in later with my own ideas but in the meantime, I would love to hear yours!

Dear Abby

Our next Dear Abby question is in regards to bridesmaids dresses which I know we ALL struggle with!

Q: My bridesmaids mean the world to me. They are all very different in their shapes, skin tones and financial status'. So, I thought I would make it easy on them and just ask them to buy their own black bridesmaids dress. Our wedding is in the Spring and will likely be outdoors. Will this work? Should I choose an accent color?

What do you guys think about wearing black in a Spring Wedding? What secondary color(s) would you pair with the classic shade?

A: I think that using black dresses is always classic. Always chic. No matter what time of year it is. It's the colors and the styles that you pair with the black that really create the style of your wedding. When I first read your dilemma, I immediately thought of that amazing Real Wedding that we featured a few months back, sent to us by Cotton Idea Studio. I love the pairing of the fresh, crisp green and whites with the oh-so-sophisticated black. So, that's just what I've envisioned for you...

Little Black Dress by Bluefly, Green Flowers (top right) by Rosenow,Floral Design, Necklace by Nordstrom, Bridal Shot by Trevor Hoehne, Green Flower Box by Vesou with photography by Trevor Hoehne

I would love to see your bridesmaids dresses accent the dresses with delicate gold necklaces and strappy sandals. Accessories should stay light and airy. The bright green bouquets will add that pop of Spring that you are looking for.

Honestly, as long as you stick with hues that are clean and bright...anything from whites, to peachy pinks to beautiful yellows...you can't go wrong!

Dear Abby

It's Dear Abby day and I am so excited to share this first question with you. One of my dearest friends, Cat of Cat Seto and Paper Studio in San Francisco, sent me this dilemma that her clients Tien and David are going through. Here's the story...

Tien and David met in grade school and wanted to get married in their schoolyard. They recently discovered that the school denied permission to be married there because the school did not meet earthquake requirements. To make a long story short, they are having to move their ceremony to the ballroom where they are having their reception. They are looking for a few ways to incorporate their schoolroom love story into their affair, in a ballroom setting. They don’t want it to be too themed, but they do want to infuse their wedding with a few fun details.

Cat has enlisted the help of SMP and our readers, along with Minhee of Paper + Cup designs whose recent school themed wedding was featured in Martha Stewart, to help. 

You can read Tien and David's whole story over at Cat's blog Shop Friends. I know that the couple would love ANY and ALL ideas that you guys have!

***

I thought it would be fun to ask my favorite event designer, Lisa Vorce of Oh How Charming! to help out with some ideas and suggestions for this cute couple. And I am beyond thrilled with the tips that Lisa has come up with...classic details that would add a touch of whimsy and a huge handful of charm!

From Lisa...

What a fun design challenge! I'm sitting here sipping my morning coffee reminiscing about grade school. Bringing back such great memories! For Tien and David - if they can't have their ceremony at their grammar school -- let's bring the grammar school to them! Here are some quick ideas for them....

• Escort card display: Would be so great to hang their escort cards from monkey bars! (Quick tip...scour ebay for a set of monkey bars...after your wedding, donate them to an area school or day care center)
  
• Table Numbers: Each table can represent one of the classrooms from their grammar school (i.e. "Room 2"). Can even add the teacher's name as well! Table numbers can be hand written on mini chalkboards or on that fabulous lined paper that we all had to use when we were practicing our cursive.
• Grammar school trivia: Would be fun to list quintessential grammar school trivia on cocktail napkins (i.e. Who was the 5th president of the United States").
• Menus: Use phonetic spelling on the key elements of the menu to give the look / feel of a dictionary entry.
• Guest sign in: Create an attendance chart! As guests sign in - have an attendant place a gold star next to their name.
• Lounge area decor: If they're having any lounge vignettes - use grammar school text books as cocktail table decor instead of coffee table books.
• Popsicles: Popsicles always remind me of grammar school. Have the caterer tray pass popsicles as a late night snack.
• Favors: If budget permits - collect vintage lunch boxes and have them lined up on a table as guests exit. The lunch boxes can be filled with a snack size carton of milk & homemade cookies. As alternative packaging - use brown paper sacks which are just as cute!
• Bake sale!: As a dessert display - set up an old school Bake Sale table with yummy grade school treats (brownies, rice crispy treats, chocolate chip cookies, etc).
• Groom's cake: If having a groom's cake - make it in the shape of a back pack, a globle, or a ruler.
• Ceremony programs: Use old Pee-Gee folders as the cover of the ceremony program.
• Transportation: If providing transportation - use old yellow school buses!
• Cigar Lounge: If budget permits -- park one of the school buses just outside the dinner reception and use it as a cigar lounge.
• Grand entrance for the wedding party: If doing a grand entrance -- do a "roll call" for the wedding party where they have to state "Present!" when they enter the room.

These ideas are brilliant, Lisa!! Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing some of your genius with us! I am also loving all of our reader ideas...keep them coming! Too cute!

Dear Abby

Our last question for today comes from Lauren...

Q4: I have found a really cool, yet unexpected (at least compared to the usual country club weddings) site for my wedding.  It's the Oklahoma City Farmer's Market.  The building has beautiful, if rough around the edges, architecture. Huge, paned windows, an enormous wood floor...it's a beautiful space. It does have its quirks. One that has me pausing are the murals on the wall of various fruits and veggies and maybe a farmer here or there. For the most part the walls are white stucco and crumbly cinder blocks (I swear the overall appearance is very nice! Though we will have to fancy it up with a lot of candles and greenery and flowers).  Anyway, I'm wondering if you have any ideas about how to camouflage a few walls, or portions of walls...

I think that this is a pretty common dilemma...figuring out how to hide the blemishes of a space, while not spending a fortune or taking away from the overall style that you've planned. Anyone have any tips for Lauren?

A: First of all, I love your venue. So unique, so beautiful. I think that they key to adding texture to a large space and/or hiding blemishes is large panels of fabric. It doesn't have to be cheesy or too wedding-y. Simply choose a really simple, semi sheer fabric and hang along the wall with the murals. I

agree with the readers that lighting here is key. Spending a bit of money on a lighting team will totally change the look and feel of the space. Good lighting can easily hide parts of the room, while highlighting the beautiful elements. For a space like this, lighting is worth every penny.

Dear Abby

Our third question is from Valerie who is looking for a little color palette help...

Q3:Sadly I am at a complete LOSS about weddings. I was one of those girls who never thought about getting married and now that I am engaged, I have become obsessed. I am getting married in July at a winery in Calistoga CA. The ceremony is outside, then a formal dinner inside. I am wearing a gorgeous Jenny Lee gown with ivory over blush -- so it is a pearly color of white. No idea what colors to use. I need to choose a color for the bridesmaid dress. At first I was thinking a winery theme but is July too hot to wear burgandy/merlot dresses?

A: I really believe that when deciding on your color palette you need to try to think in this order...

1. Choose your venue...the venue itself should really set the tone for your color palette. So many people try to fight with the natural colors of the space that they have chosen, which is never good. You want your color palette to embrace and enhance the ambiance of your venue.

2. Start looking at bridesmaids dresses. Try to find a line that offers colors that compliment your reception space and your vision. It's so hard when brides fall in love with a particular dress, then can't get it in the color that they have been dreaming about.

3. Solidify the palette. Once you have your space and you know that you can find gowns that will coordinate with the look and style you are going for, tweak your palette so that it is just right. Perhaps a darker palette needs a touch of white or natural greenery. Or, a lighter palette  might need a grounding color like chocolate, grey or navy.

So, for this particular wedding, I would fully embrace the beauty and the colors of Napa Valley. Having been to tons of wineries in the area, I think that your first instinct of using a deeper red or pink would be beautiful. You can lighten up the palette by using a variety of light peach and pink flowers and perfect summer parasols to shade your guests...

Dress by J Crew, Peach Flowers by Wiggy Flowers, Boutineire by Crimson and Clover, Parasol Image by Jessamyn Harris

I saw this beet colored dress on J Crew recently and absolutely love it. Paired with lighter pinks and peaches creates a more Summery look, while it would also be beautiful with raspberries, oranges and cream for a Fall palette. I think that this palette would be lovely for a wine country wedding.

Dear Abby

Here is the second question of the day, and one that I am pretty sure a lot of brides are struggling with!

Question number two comes from Leasa...

Q2: Help!!!  My best friend and maid of honor has informed me that she will be seven months pregnant by the time my wedding rolls around in October of this year. There is no way I would even consider taking my vows without her by my side, but I want her to look cute and stylish for the wedding (not dumpy). I also want her to coordinate with the other bridesmaids who also vary in shape and size. 

In total I have five bridesmaids:  my best friend/MOH who will be seven months pregnant (she is also about 5'8" and average build); two petite cousins who are both around 5'3" and 90 pounds soaking wet; a friend who is 5'3", very full-figured and top heavy; and another friend who is 6'1", full-figured and top heavy (she will also have given birth the month before the wedding).  I'm not stuck on having them all wear the same dress, but I would like them to wear the same color and fabric.  Do you have any recommendations for dress manufacturers that can accommodate all of these different body types? 

I want everyone to look their best and I really want my MOH to feel comfortable.  I also want everyone to look very stylish in a dress that is complementary to each figure.  Like I said before, HELP!!

A. All of you have such great ideas! Leasa, my first instinct when I read your question, was to refer you to Jenny Yoo. I am a huge fan of Jenny's and after seeing a fashion show of hers in New York, I am convinced that her designs are some of the best out there. She has absolutely beautiful fabrics and colors and the cuts are all very now, without seeming too trendy.

This would be my pick for your girls. I love the flowy fabric and the delicate look of the dress. Jenny makes a great maternity dress, as well, that coordinates nicely with this line. I would have each maid choose the style that suits their body type and their personality...

Another option would be to order the brilliant bridesmaid dress by Two Birds Bridesmaid...

This dress makes it so simple to accommodate different body types. I am partial to the shorter length and think that the apple green would be a lovely look.

Aside from these two designers, all of those mentioned by readers are really great and have TONS of beautiful options. Simple Silhouettes and Aria are my personal favs of the larger scale shops. Hope this helps!

Dear Abby

Today I thought we could tackle some Dear Abby questions that have been piling up in my inbox! I would love your help with these, as I know that so many of you out there have great ideas and creative solutions.

The first round of questions is from Sharon...

Q:  I am getting married at South Seas resort, Captiva Island in October. My fiancé really wanted to wear a khaki suit so he is wearing the jcrew wheat chino suit, and the girls are wearing the chocolate brown silk taffeta tea length dresses, all different styles. 

My issue is, the guys can’t afford the full suit and want to wear the dress pants.  What would coordinate with these dress pants for a wedding? Also, do they need ties to look pulled together?? And what colors can I pop off the chocolate brown to keep a beach chic vibe?

My linens will be white, and my chairs are white as well and the ceremony is on the lawn overlooking the water, with the reception inside the main dining room, very casual but still chic feel. I have a very minimal budget as we are spending most of our money on the food, but I love organic chic designs and I am having a hard time pulling it all together. My dress is a natural color strapless sweetheart silk duppioni mermaid style with a chapel train and no embellishments beyond a ribbon and bow detail under the bust and covered buttons. I was thinking brown, cream, white and green with pops of raspberry and pink? Is that all over the place?

Any ideas for either the men's attire or the color palette that would help Sharon envision her perfect day? I'd love to hear your input, then I will post my ideas at the end of the day!

A. First of all, thank you all so much for your ideas...I think that we are all envisioning the same beach/chic kind of look. Sharon, my first thought is to embrace the palette that you are already thinking about...khaki, chocolate and touches of raspberry. I love that you have found inspiration in J Crew's preppy chic style, so I think that you should look there when defining your palette...

Suit and chocolate dress by J Crew, Tie by Thomas Pink, Bouquet by Modern Day Design

For the boys, I agree with the no tie route...just the khaki slacks, a crisp white button down and a fun, playful belt with touches of pink. Very beach chic. If the girls carry a deep pink or raspberry inspired bouquet and the groom dons a pink/raspberry tie, the whole look will seem completely cohesive and stylish.

I also really love the idea of using peaches and corals, as some of our readers mentioned. Peaches pair beautifully with raspberry so you really could marry the two ideas. Regardless, I think that you should continue looking to J Crew for inspiration...scour their catalog, their website and their stores. The cheerful new look of their line is just perfect for your beach chic vibe.

As a side note, one of the comments for this Dear Abby question came from Tiffany (Tipperella), who recently had her groomsmen wear similar khaki attire. She offered a picture of her boys so I thought I would share! It's also a lovely solution to this question!!

SO, SO pretty! Thanks so much for sharing Tiffany!

Dear Abby

One last Dear Abby for the day! I am going to begin writing in my answers later this evening and will finish up on tomorrow's AM post. I want to give you guys plenty of time to write comments and brainstorm with these brides!

I am planning a New York City wedding for November. The natural suggestion seems to be to go with a "fall colors" palette but for whatever reason I'm just not that into it -- probably because the church sanctuary where we're having our wedding has a beautifully gilded and painted domed ceiling in primarily medium-toned wood, French blue, gold and taupe colors. I feel like reds, oranges and yellows would clash there, as well as in our reception venue, which is likely to be a private club in soft neutrals.

I love the French blue and taupe color palette but I fear it will look "flat" once we get outside the church. Then again, NYC is all about greys and black and white. Also, I'm stymied as to what types of flowers would look good with French blue and taupe. Also, is that color combo just...over?

Initially, I was inspired by the Mariebelle chocolate boxes but went with the softer brown because I feel chocolate is somewhat overused. Is there any way to freshen/liven up this color palette or give it some "pop"? Is there a warm color that would be a good accent to those two tones that I could consider for flower?

A. Erin has found this bridesmaids dress that she loves. My suggestion with this dress, is to go with creamy white bouquets with either a flat gold or pewter colored strappy heal. I think that tying a silk or satin ribbon around the base of the bride's bouquet in that same blue shade would be gorgeous.

What do you guys think???

Dear Abby

Our next question comes from Catherine...

"I am currently having a color palette problem. I originally was planning on having my bridesmaids wear a burnt orange dress and then incorporate fall reds, oranges and brown into the color palette. My bridesmaid dresses have been decided, and they are a T length chocolate brown.  Now, this isn't too far off from my original idea, but I am having trouble with what color flowers to use.  I think it is difficult because when discussing shoes for my bridesmaids, 2 of them randomly said they would like to wear gold shoes....hence I would probably buy them some sort of gold jewelry to bring that together.  So, I have brown and gold.  Maybe I am thinking way too hard, but do you have any ideas as far as which flowers would complement this combination?"

A. I have to say, I looooove gold and chocolate together. It's one of those classic combinations that just makes sense. My bridesmaids all wore chocolate gowns with gold strappy shoes and these gorgeous custom earrings by Arianny Dejesus. Bottom line, gold is always a great compliment to chocolate. And, I think that using classic fall hues like an array of oranges and deep reds would be stunning.

I was doing a little brainstorming and although I think that the fall hues would be gorgeous, I also think that a deep terra cotta pink, paired with a peachy orange would be really beautiful and would bring a lightness to your palette that would compliment the chocolate brown. Plus, all of the hues are in the same warm family, so the look would be incredibly inviting...

Dress by Jenny Yoo, Pink florals by Ariella Chezar, Gold Sandals by Stuart Weitzman on Bluefly, Peach/Orange florals by Crimson & Clover Floral Design

Catherine would love any and all ideas that you guys might have!!

Dear Abby

I hope everyone had a great weekend! Today, we are all about color palettes. Choosing the perfect wedding color seems to be the most difficult part of planning a wedding for many brides. Either the colors that the couple have chosen clash with the reception venue or the bridesmaids don't like the hues that they have to wear...whatever the case, there are always stumbling blocks when it comes to your color palette. 

So today, we are doing reader color palette questions. Our first dilemma comes from Gina...

I'm getting married on June 21, 2008 in California at a country club up in the mountains (so lots of greenery).  I am all about having a classic, elegant, romantic, yet fun and chic wedding.  My favorite color is yellow and my husband's is blue, so originally I was going to go with a navy blue, yellow combination. However, after getting my dress and seeing the yellow dresses on my friends (they all have very pale skin), I have decided to go with my second choice - grey, blush, and a mauve rose. 

Does this color palette fit a summer wedding particularly against a lot of green?  I ordered grey dresses by Jim Hjelm in chiffon, but do you think that it is too dull for a summer wedding?  I don't really like hot pink, but do you think I need to add some brightness to my color palette?  Also, any ideas on what color linens to use??

A. First of all, I love the idea of having a grey and dusty rose palette. It is so incredibly chic and elegant. Grey dresses, varying shades of pink bouquets, and various shades of pink pashminas or cardigans for the reception (as one of our smart readers suggested!). With you in all white, this combination will be absolutely gorgeous. The natural element of green will be stunning against this palette, as long as you don't get too modern with your attire and your flowers. Think unstructured, flowy and organic.

Do you guys have any ideas or tips for Gina? Don't be shy...I'm sure that any input would be greatly appreciated!

Dear Abby

Although this questions isn't directly related to wedding style or decor, I wanted to share it with you because I know how difficult wedding registries can be!

Q5 - My wedding is set for June 21, 2008 (the Summer Solstice) and it's time for us to register for gifts.  Being typical NYers, we don't have much space.  So, I'm trying to keep our registry as simple as possible.  That being said, I'm trying to decide whether to register for china.  I have very simple everyday plates (white 365 IKEA plates) that I see no need to replace, but I am considering registering for "fancy plates (and cups, and saucers, you get the picture).

It would be great if you could do a post on China patterns.  I am desperately seeking clean, simple china patterns (perhaps with a touch of whimsy).

A5 - I am one of those girls whose knees get weak when she shops for china. Registering for china was one of my very favorite things to do and really, it made me feel like SUCH a bride. So, I think that if you are looking for something simple, with a touch of whimsy, these patterns are perfect...

Top Left by Vera Wang, Top Right by Babara Berry for Wedgewood, Bottom Left by Kate Spade, Bottom Right by Vera Wang

I have the Grand Gourmet by Vera Wang, though I ordered fun salad plates in a different, but coordinating pattern. I looooove them. The key to justifying china, however, is to USE IT! Break out the china when you have guests over for Chinese food or when you have an impromptu brunch with family. They are a bit more fragile than regular dishes, and shouldn't be dishwashed, but a good set of china will last a lifetime.

One last note, I chose my china pattern to coordinate with my mom's...if we ever need more, we have an extra set!

Dear Abby

This is a great Dear Abby question, as I know that many of you aren't interested in classic bridesmaid style dresses...

Q4 - I'm getting married on the Cape in September so we are definitely keeping true to a casually, chic beach wedding. But I am really not having a feeling for bridesmaid dresses. Do you know of any lines that make maxi style, long dresses? Something a little more modern in shape then just the traditional tee length style?  This being said I have a range of sizes for my girls.

A4 - I love, love, love the Maxi style dresses that are back in style. And, I love that you are willing to think outside of the bridesmaid box for your girls...they are very lucky and will definitely get a lot of use out of the dress that you choose! Here are some of my picks for Maxi dresses...

Left Column Gowns on Bloomingdales, Center Top at Nordstrom Center Bottom at Bloomingdales, Top Right at Victoria's Secret, Bottom Right at Saks.

I am always looking at popular stores for alternate ideas to bridemaids dresses. With that said, I do have some favorite bridal designers that have AMAZING bridesmaids dresses...Jenny Yoo, Olivia Luca, Vera Wang, Melissa Sweet. I could go on, but I think you already know the designers that I am talking about. Hope this helps!

Dear Abby

Another Dear Abby question for you...

Q3 - I am getting married in May 2008 in a church. My bridesmaid’s dresses are a tea length dusty rose color. My STD were beige, brown, and rose along with my invitations. Where do I go from here and can I change my color scheme for the wedding?? What other colors go with Dusty Rose??

Okay, first and foremost...as an invitation designer who firmly believes that invitations do set the tone for the entire wedding, I also believe in a bride's right to change her mind! If you have decided that you are no longer wanting the dusty rose look...don't think twice about moving on and choosing a new palette. Your guests will never know the difference.

With that said, I have always loved the dusty rose, champagne, cream and brown combination. This palette has been a favorite of mine since I stumbled into the wedding industry. It's elegant, it's feminine, it's just gorgeous. But what is really inspiring me right now...is the dusty rose, paired with ultra pale pinks, creams and deep burgundy...

By adding a deep purple or burgundy (black even), you get this amazing contrast that seems to make all of the subtle hues really pop.

Dear Abby

Another Dear Abby question...

Q2 - I know you often have challenges and questions with beautiful solutions on the blog, and thought you might like to address this one. I have a client who is 50 years old, marrying for the second time, and looking for a wedding dress.  She asked if I had any ideas for a dress for her...  I guess that's proving to be the toughest part of the planning! : )  She's a professional, a new grandmother, and I guess a bit "matronly", but she's got a great smile and lots of personality.  Any dress I would like for her is, I'm guessing, a bit too young and girly girl. I know I've seen some dresses online recently, somewhere, that inspired me to think, "finally!  The mother of the bride doesn't have to dress terribly", but I can't remember where. If you have any great MOB dress resources that would also be great for a middle aged bride who's not necessarily going to wear white (but might), let me know!

Great question! I know that Mothers of the Bride often feel enormously frustrated with the options that are out there. If any of you guys have great suggestions as to where this bride can find something chic, but sophisticated, let us know!

A2 - The more I researched Mother of the Bride dresses, the more I realized that I think this bride should wear something a bit more "bride." Where MOB outfits should be classic, elegant and understated sophistication...a bride should always sparkle a bit. Regardless of how old she is, how many times she's been married, how low-key she wants to dress.

For this bride, I am seeing something in a soft champagne color. The left dress is a bit more feminine and can really go with any season. The dress on the right is a bit more summery and casual, but would be beautiful with a pretty gold wrap...

Left dress at Neimans, Silk Flowers by Sophiei, Crystal Drop earrings at Neimans, Right dress by Luca Luca

We will tackle Mother of the Bride outfits soon!

Dear Abby

It's been a few weeks since we've done a Dear Abby session, and I have some really great questions from readers that I know you guys will appreciate. So, let's dive right in!

Q1 - I've been perusing your boards religiously for weeks, going back into the archives and waiting for your daily updates. But I've still not seen much addressing the problem I have: I'm looking for non-floral tablescapes. We're getting married on the beach in Mexico,  and because the prices there for decor are so outrageous, we're looking to bring our own. But we're also looking to decorate our tables without flowers, as the only ones available there are from non-organic, non-fair trade sources. Plus, as the reception will be outdoors, in the evening, bright flowers won't add as much color as colored glass... (at least, that was my thinking!)

We need something that will shelter candles from the wind, but hurricanes are too large to bring down in a suitcase. So far, my attempts to create my own centerpieces (mason jars with water and floating candles and beach glass, aluminum vases with tropical leaves) have just felt...lackluster and underwhelming. In your vast web-travels, have you seen anything that you think might work?

A. First of all, I think that ALL of the ideas are great. I have to say, I am partial to lots of candle light, however you can get it. Whether it's through paper luminaries (which I love), tea lights in mason jars, etc. I think that candles create an ambiance that is absolutely romantic and elegant. Enough candle light will make just about any space look absolutely beautiful.

With that said, I completely understand your dilemma. I think that the key here is being able to transport your decor easily, while still being able to dream about the look you are going for and plan out every detail. So, I found a little inspiration from my best friend, Katie. Katie chose to enhance her table decor by choosing rich, colored linens (she made them all herself), and layering different textures on top. She bought these AMAZING gold leaf placemats that she placed in the center of each table (top left)...



Left photos are from Z Gallerie, Right photos are from Crate and Barrel

I love these gold leaves and they would be just beautiful at the beach. Plus they would be incredibly easy to transport. The second idea (dare I say it) would be to bring dried or high end silk flowers and supplement them with rich, real banana leaves or other local greenery. I am usually NOT a fan of silk flowers, but after seeing an article in Domino Magazine about adding real greenery and florals to silk flowers, I have started to change my mind. Okay, moving on...shells. They are obvious yes, but will always be super chic. Buy a large handful of shells for each table, stacked in a cluster, then tuck tea lights throughout. So pretty, so simple. My last idea is to buy some sort of multi-sized decorative balls (I like these robe ones here, but there are tons of fun ones out there...mother of pearl would be beautiful) and on every other table, adorn the center with three of these balls.

I could honestly go on and on...clear bowls filled with crystals, shells or colored glass, local fruits and vegetables in interesting colors and textures, the options are endless. My advices is to think about your surroundings, think about what your "ideal" would be, then try to find a balance between these two elements and traveling. I can't wait to hear what you decide!

Dear Abby

One last question for the day!

Q. I hope you can help with some ideas for how to incorporate a wedding party into the ceremony. We have our immediate family standing in the front with us but where does the wedding party go? There are some family members that we definitely want to sit in the front rows but I also don’t want to overcomplicate this production. Also, have you ever heard of not having the party walk down the aisle but rather come from both sides of the room and then either sit or stand in the front rows? Also, any ideas for what we could do in lieu of floral bouquets for the bridal party so I can keep costs down, i.e., a single flower, a candle, etc??

A. There is something really sweet and intimate about sharing your vows with only your significant other...while close friends and family marvel at the beauty of a wedding ceremony. I think that a wonderful way to honor your close circle of friends is the create a wedding party...perhaps even ask them to wear similar attire...and have them walk down the aisle (or come in from the side), then quietly sit in the first or second row (just behind your immediate family). I've seen this done quite a few times and it always turns out lovely.

As for something that the bridal party can carry...I really think that they don't need anything at all. If you are printing programs...a nice note, thanking your wedding party will certainly suffice. If you'd like them to have something, I agree that a single stem flower for the ladies and a boutonniere for the men is appropriate.

Honestly, I would follow your heart with this one...for many brides, tradition is beautiful. For others, simply having their loved ones around them, without the titles or placements, is the only thing that matters. Your friends and family know that you love them and as long as you include them in your joy while planning the wedding, they will feel more than appreciated.

Dear Abby

Another reader question for you guys to tackle!!

Q. I am wanting to have a 1940s wedding theme. I am having my reception at an unconventional place because of budget, and I plan on hiring a wedding planner to help with converting this place that will place people in that time.

First things first, I am planning a wedding for 2009, no rush. I like the 40s swing era, because I love dancing and it is so fun to swing dance, even if you are not a pro. I am very flexible on the color palate, although I love pink and my fiance's favorite color is black. I am not planning a detailed "everything must be 1940s" look. I just want the general feel. I am extending an invitation for my guests to dress in the 1940s era. Overall, I am looking for a classy style that is elegant, romantic, relaxed, and most of all... looks expensive, but isn't. I am a bargain girl at heart.

Can any of you offer this reader ideas as to how she can infuse a 40's vibe, without going over the top?

A. What a great idea! I love bringing a vintage chic feel into a wedding...it just seems so appropriate. Glamor, fun, dancing. And, I LOVE the idea of using plumes and feathers to decorate rather than flowers. I also like the idea of scattering crystals around the tables, or stringing crystal beads and kind of "draping" them around the centerpieces. Another centerpiece idea would be to buy some inexpensive mirrors, then place 6 or 7 candles of varying height in the center.

There is a restaurant in San Francisco called Foreign Cinema, that plays old movies on a white washed wall, while diners eat oh-so-elegant food. It's a lovely concept and it might be a wonderful, unexpected touch to this wedding...rent an old projector, then play black and whites from the era like Casablanca (silently of course), while a swing band keeps everyone dancing.

Serve champagne in champagne saucers, rather than flutes (spend money on champagne, rather than an open bar...one specialty drink is a great way to cut costs). For my own wedding, my mother and I scoured ebay, flea markets and antique shops and ended up with 200 crystal champagne saucers. It was SUCH a lovely touch to the wedding and really brought that element of glamor to the night.

Seems like you have a great start! I can't wait to hear how everything turns out...please keep us posted!

Dear Abby

It has been FAR too long since we've done a Dear Abby Session. I have some great reader questions that I want to share with you today with the hopes that collectively, we can help solve some wedding day dilemmas.

Q. So...here's my dilemma.  I work for Rebecca Taylor and want to use something from our collection for my bridesmaids.  I fell in love with a certain dress that was almost the right color, which I thought would be fine, but now it's driving me crazy.  Now, I know that not everything has to be matchy-matchy, but I'm not sure how to fit it with the color story I orginally wanted.  I always admire the way you put colors together, so I'm hoping you have a brilliant idea for me.

The original idea was:  navy, classic, gold chiavari chairs, cream linens, champagnes, warm and traditional with an edge.  pink peonies, floppy bows, and city formal without being cold....

So - the bridesmaid dresses are not quite navy...more dark blue with a periwinkle tinge.  The problem is, now all I can see is pink and blue when I picture the dresses and my must-have peonies together.  For some reason, this color combo says more casual, bold, bright to me and less classic.  Now that it's time to pick out invitiations, etc. I still gravitate to navy and I'm not really that into embracing the new dark periwinkle color for everything else.  Any thoughts??  Go on with navy for everything else and pretend the dresses are navy?  Give up on navy and go periwinkle even though I'm not really into that color?  Find a way to combine?  I just really want a cohesive color palette for our event

We'll have more questions throughout the day, but for now, can you help this reader? I will post my thoughts towards the end of the day...

A. Okay! I think that this is a pretty common problem...brides have a very particular idea of what they want in their head. Then they fall in love with a gown or a bridesmaids dress that fights their original idea. My best advice is this...go with what you love. Designing a wedding, is like decorating your living room. If you try too hard to achieve a "look", you will fail miserably. If you focus on elements, colors and textures that you love...the wedding will turn out to be just as you've always imagined and more importantly, it will truly reflect you.

Here is a photo of the bridesmaid dress that this reader loves (I love it too, big time love it)...

The blue dress is STUNNING. And, it would look perfect with creams and golds, so elegant...so feminine, but so sophisticated....I think that a soft pink brought in subtly would only add to the beauty of the palette. I know that you are attached to peonies (who isn't). There are quite a few really beautiful hues available for peonies. What about going with a super soft, almost white pink peony? This will allow you to still have that elegant look, with a rosy shade of pink to break up the palette a bit? I will work on getting a color palette together so that you can see what I mean.

Bottom line...go with the element that you love, then build around that. Everything else will fall into place!

Dear Abby

This is our first Dear Abby in weeks, and I must say...it's a pretty good one! Reader and future bride Nicole, is struggling with a clear color palette for her upcoming September affair.

Q. I've put together the attached inspiration board, but I'm having trouble coming up with a palette that works for this time of year- on the cusp of summer and fall. I've been pondering sage green, lavender, with touches of ivory. I was considering brown as a neutral at first but I'm just terribly bored of seeing chocolate brown at weddings. I'm open to any and all palette suggestions, however. 

Some details:
-The wedding ceremony is at my family's church, where my parents were married and I grew up. The church was rebuilt about 7 years ago, and the space is amazing. Photo on the board. The ceremony will be at 2pm, a full mass.
-The reception is at a country club, founded by GE employees in 1900 (http://www.edisonclub.com). The cocktail hour will be on the terrace overlooking the golf course, and the reception will be in the ballroom.
-My engagement ring is an antique, 1930s, and we'd like to carry over some of the ring's charm into the wedding, with a timeless feel to the event.

I would love for all of you to take a stab at this, then I will let you know what my ideas are later this afternoon! Thanks everyone!!

Dear Abby

I am trying out a new format for posting...2-3 smaller posts a day, rather than one long one. Today, we are going to start with a Q & A session. Later, we will some really gorgeous pictorial posts, so stay tuned!

I would LOVE to hear your input on these questions and I am sure that our "brides in need" would as well...

Question 1: I'm having our guests arrive at 1:00pm for a Victorian Garden party.  We'll have our ceremony on the steps of a historic home.  After the ceremony, we'll invite guests to have tea & scones on the lawn while my fiance and I take pictures.  When we come back, we plan to have everyone take their seat at a table.  We'll do toasts, first dance etc. then.  After that, we'll invite people to begin dancing, talking & eating. We'll serve appetizers until 5pm, when we'll cut the cake.  The sun sets at around 6pm so the party will be over by 6:30pm at the latest.

My Question is whether it's necessary to get enough tables for each person, or if there may be a better idea.  We'll have a big brass band playing, so we'll need a dance floor, but I whether people will ever take their seats if we're having stationed appetizers???

My answer follows suit with many of those who posted below. I think that it's important to have almost enough seats for people (maybe 2/3) so that guests do have a place to park it if they need to. With that said, I think that incorporating cocktail tables, perhaps with stools tucked neatly under them, is a good way to ensure that guests are up on their feet enjoying the evening. If you are serving heavy appetizers, it's important that people at least have a place to eat, otherwise the food will (like someone else said), go to waste.

Question 2: I am getting married on June 14, 2008.  I am thinking about having blue and green as my colors, however, the curtains and chairs at my reception site are maroon!  The curtains also have some kind of design on it, which I could get over...but I can't stop thinking about those chairs.  Obviously this color scheme might be nice for fall, but not for my June wedding!!  Do you have any suggestions as to what I could do to disguise these chairs, preferably somewhat low budget?

Cover those chairs!! Sacrifice somewhere else. An ugly chair will put such a damper on your efforts to create a beautiful, cohesive look and feel. There are so many other places that you can cut costs to allow for spending room here. If you try to cover them in a different way, say with a lovely flower arrangement on the backs of some of them or a cute strand of greenery, you will end up spending just as much. With that said, aim to get the most tailored, simple cover you can find...some of the options can be pretty bad. 

Question 3: I am planning a wedding and I would love to do something other than the standard sit down dinner as we would really like a relaxed and social fete.  I wonder if you have heard from anyone who has had a cocktail reception with food stations, champagne etc and wait staff - something posh.  Or, I LOVE the idea of having a dessert reception - lots of sweets etc etc to follow a simple service at the same venue.  It seems like it would add a lot of sweetness to the event and assuming that guests would eat before coming - it could be a nice after dinner treat! Your thoughts would be so greatly appreciated - ps I am a fellow blogger and you have been on my list of faves since I started!! www.inspirationalstyles.blogspot.com

I love the idea of HEAVY hor'dourves...shrimp and grits in shot glasses (so cute), miniature goat cheese tarts, chicken lollipops, YUM. With a champagne bar...over the top. Love it. I also like the idea of a dessert reception and think that if you are on a budget, this is probably one of the best options.

Thanks so much, ladies, for these great questions!!

Dear Abby...

Today is Q & A day...I have received a ton of emails over the last few weeks with some really great questions that every couple seems to face. Here are a few that I thought we could tackle together. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments, then I will post my own answers later in the day. There is no right or wrong way to approach the answers...it is just great to hear from our huge variety of readers.

Question 1: I'm having a tough time coming up with a color palette for our wedding that feels right. The dilemma is that we recently had to find a new venue after learning that our old venue had been double booked. This proved really difficult, and though our new space is very nice, it wasn't really what I had originally been envisioning. I loved our last venue, and had a palette I really loved. But, the old palette just doesn't feel right in the new space.

The colors inside our new venue are warmer and stronger (particularly with dark green and royal purple velvet curtains in the theater).

I'd love to stick with the black and white look (possibly doing ivory or cream or something, instead of white -- although I have a ton of white vintage milkglass bowls and vases I bought before we learned of the venue problem, and I fully intend to still use them for the flower arrangements at the wedding). But I'm trying to figure out what other colors I should use. I've started to think about a palette similar to this one, but am not 100% sold on how it will feel in the space

To give you a sense of what I like: Blue is my favorite color. I also like pinks (any shade), and greens (with a preference to either bright emerald-like greens or soft greens). I tend to not like reds, yellows, oranges and browns. I prefer silver to gold. I typically am drawn more to softer colors. I want something that feels "vintagey" (particularly something that fits with an art deco or art nouveau theme), and very timeless. I'd prefer to stay away from really trendy combinations that I'll hate 20 years from now, when looking back at my wedding album.

Answer 1: First of all, it stinks that you had to change venues when your heart was set on the first...with that said, sometimes it works out in your favor. This new venue is SO cool. I love the different areas and honestly think that there are many different palettes that will work in here. My favorite, however is this...all different shades of cream and white (linens, flowers, etc), with your bridesmaids and groomsmen in chic black attire (along with the rest of the men). I looooove the white on white effect. It is classic and sophisticated. Bring in vintage champagne saucers, creamy flowers in white milk glass vases and perhaps even mismatched cream colored linens to create an old world effect. Tons of candles...everywhere. And outside, either japanese lanterns or panels of wispy white fabric kind of blowing in the breeze. This black and whites (note the plural) seems to really suit a somewhat vintage theater feel. If you really want to bring in a color, I suggest a soft coral, a muted jade color or a deeper aqua. I don't think that pastels will hold their own against the jewel tones in the space. Overall though, I think that the new venue is fabulous and you have a lot to work with. 

I just saw the poster that Katherine posted in the comments section...SPOT ON. I think this is perfect for this space. I wonder if you'd be able to get a bunch of these and put them on the walls to create the ambiance?

Question 2. I love your blog and would love to see something about creative ceremonies:  different formats, types of readings, new things to try.  I'm planning my own on 9/29 and lacking the creative juice but wanting something different. Any suggestions?

Answer 2: Like a few of the comments said, there are so many fun ways to personalize your ceremony. I had my cousin read a poem that my aunt wrote (she passed away and it was the perfect way to bring her into the ceremony), then had a close friend sing the Irish Blessing. My family is Irish so it meant a lot to the guests as well. My dear friend, Amanda, brought in a folk singer for her wedding who sang a beautiful ballad for the couple, using just a guitar as back-up...it was so touching and memorable. Perhaps your father or mother, or a close family friend, could tell a funny story about you guys, rather than doing a formal reading. Or, you can ask the minister to "insert" a cute, unexpected phrase into your vow...something like "I, (Bride/Groom), take you (Groom/Bride), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, to laugh wholeheartedly with and to respectfully disagree with; from this day forward until death do us part." Honestly, there are so many ways. I suggest that you sit down and really think about the two of you as a couple. Let that define how you infuse personality into your ceremony.

Question 3. My fiance and I are trying to come up with cool, unique gifts for his two groomsmen.  Nothing monogramed or related to golf or beer steins or anything like that.....all of the idea out there seem to be one of those things!!  I told him I'd check the few wedding blogs I read for some ideas but it seems there are lots of great ideas for bridesmaids and absolutely nothing out there about groomsmen!  I'm thinking I might get my bridemaids a necklace from smallthings design and maybe a few other little things from anthropologie, but we just can't come up with anything perfect for the groomsmen.  Have you heard of any good ideas, or come across any while preparing your blog?

I love the ideas that the readers posted about giving each guy a separate gift. Love, love, love the idea of giving a silk "thanks for helping us tie the knot" tie. I also love the idea of giving them something that they can really use...great tickets to a sporting event, a gift certificate to a good restaurant in their city, membership to a beer/wine of the month group, a gift certificate to an airline so that they can come visit the two of you (if they are out of state). If you do a gift certificate, presentation is key. And, make sure that the gift actually reflects the person who is receiving it...you don't want to give Sox tickets to a Yankee fan!

Dear Abby

A couple of our readers had some great questions that I was hoping you guys could help me with...

Q: I was wondering if you could help me with a problem. I bought a beautiful lace sheath for my wedding, but I have no idea what type of veil or headpiece to wear with it. I'm not extremely traditional, and the overall vibe of my wedding is rustic southern elegance. I would love it if you could give me a suggestion. I attached pictures of my gown for reference.

Q: My fiance and I want to elope, but we want to tell our parents. I was thinking of sending a special gift to each pair of parents, with a lavish invitation to dinner for the evening after we elope at the courthouse. My question is, what do I offer as a gift that represents our two families coming together, that we cherish them, and want them to feel like this is a very special event? I thought about china, something for both of them from the same collection? After that, I am totally lost, seriously.

Any advice for either of these readers? I will post my thoughts later on in the day, but I wanted to go ahead and get your feedback!! Make sure to include links, resources, etc. if you can.

Dear Abby

Day to day, I get a lot of questions that don't necessarily fall into one category or another. So, I am going to make a new category called Q & A...basically just questions that I get from readers! Since most of you are in the trenches of wedding planning or simply read this blog, as a way to stay connected to such a fun time in your life, I really encourage everyone to comment on the Q & A's.

Q. I am currently planning my May '08 wedding in California and my Midwestern Mom is having a meltdown. My fiance works in the fashion business and Mi Madre is well aware that there will be quite a fashionable crowd. I'm having a difficult time helping her find a classic, yet fashionable Mother of the Bride outfit...got any suggestions?

A. My mom had a heck of a time trying to choose the perfect outfit. And to be honest, when you look at what mothers are "supposed" to wear, there just isn't a lot to choose from. Throw in a fashion forward crowd, and it is no wonder she is having a meltdown!

The good news is that more and more stores are starting to catch on to the problematic "mother of the bride outfit dilemma." Many of the major department stores, like Neiman and Nordstrom, now have sections on their websites devoted completely to the mothers. How great is that! And, the dresses are by well known designers like Carmen Marc Valvo, Vera Wang, Elie Tahari and so many others.

Bottom line...when you are the mother, aim for spectacular. But understated. You cannot go wrong with a well-made gown in a soft hue like champagne (not beige), black or pale pink. Go for something that flatters your figure and that is made with a beautiful, luxurious fabric. I love these gowns from Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom...they are so simple, but so chic.