Ask Abby
I thought that you guys could help me tackle some of the Ask Abby (we are changing the name from Dear Abby so as not to get confused with the real deal “Dear Abby”) questions that have been building up in my inbox. The last few weeks of questions have focused on color palettes, though in reality, wedding colors are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to tough decisions couples make throughout the wedding planning process. Here are a few brides that have hit stumbling blocks along the way….
Question 1: I’m getting married in August in Napa with my boyfriend of 8 years. The whole
wedding will be fairly nontraditional and we are having a friend marry us. That
said, I’m a little lost on what to include in the ceremony aside from our
personal vows and a pretty awesome collection of music to carry us down the
aisle.
Any creative ceremony ideas that you’ve seen? Anything fun that this bride-to-be could incorporate into her big day to make it unique? I will pop in later with my own ideas but in the meantime, I would love to hear yours!
We "wrote" our own ceremony for a friend who acted as our officiant also. I purchased this book (http://www.amazon.com/Wedding-Ceremony-Planner-Essential-Important/dp/1402203438/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1214577874&sr=8-1 )" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Wedding-Ceremony-Planner-Essential-Important/dp/1402203438/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1214577874&sr=8-1) > and it was incredibly helpful. I never really realized all of the "pieces" of the ceremony and their significance. This book explained the options and gave tons of suggested readings, vows, etc. It ended up being a really fun and exciting part of the whole wedding planning process.
I would HIGHLY recommend buying this book. And good luck planning your ceremony!
Poetry, excerpts from your fave songs or books, blessings (like the Apache and Irish ones)? I once saw a bride and groom pour "layers" of different colored sand into a glass container to signify their union...
We had our parents record messages to us and after my dad walked me down the aisle my mom joined us and his parents joined us at the altar and their sweet recorded messages were played. I've also seen it where bridesmaids recorded messages and they were played over the music as they walked down the aisle. Very sweet and meaningful. The guests get a real feeling of who you are.
A couple of other things that you can include. A ring blessing. A ring warming (rings passed from special guest to guest and each person holds them in their hands and makes a wish or thinks a blessing. (Search on weddingbee - several of those women have chosen this route.) A twist on a unity candle (anything where you and he mix something together works and its a great way to make it personal - ours involves rings and water from Antarctica!! (I'll tell more about this on my blog in the next couple of days.)). "Mrs Lovebug" on weddingbee.com had a chocolate and wine ritual that was unique and beautiful. (read about it here />
) Or any special tradition or ritual from your families or heritage. A handfasting ceremony or a water ceremony.
http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/04/11/important-words-part-ii/ " rel="nofollow">http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/04/11/important-words-part-ii/
Talk to your fiance and decide what things about you two make yall an "us" as opposed to two separate people and incorporate those aspects.
My fiance and I wanted to do something simular to a unity candle but both of our cultures really emphasize on the fact that it truely takes a village to raise a child.,...
Thus we are planning on having tapered candles at each seat and once our unity candle has been lit, we will be passing our flame throughout the entire ceremony, allowing the impact of our relationship to reach each guest- I think that this is a really great symbolic take on the traditional unity ceremony.
We are getting married on 7/19 in a non-religious outdoor ceremony. We, too, struggled with the ceremony arrangment and other than an all Beatles music scheme, didn't have any specifics in mind. We did some research and decided on reading exerpts from the biography of my favorite artist, exerpts from Antoine Saint Euxpery (in a tribute to his late mother), and asked our yoga teacher, who introduced us, to pick another reading. It is a very personal ceremony, spiritual but not religious, and really reflects our personalities. To top it all off, my daughter will be holding the rings and will stand beside us as we say our vows.
Do what feels natural to you, acknowledge those loved ones who are no longer with you in respectful ways like readings, and bring in poems, song lyrics, and literary quotes that have special meaning for you.
Another cool, unique thing that you could do, is to have some sort of "drop" at the ring exchange, or your pronouncement. If you are standing underneath an arch, or another structure, you could rig it so that petals, leaves, confetti, balloons, or something fitting with your theme could drop down upon you. Guests love to see something a little different, and it will make for a beautiful and fun photo-op!
An interesting idea that I remember reading somewhere was to have some of the couples in the audience stand and offer their advice for a happy marriage in the form of vows (i.e Promise to say 'I love you' every morning. Promise to listen even when you're angry). When you say your actually vows, you are then committing not only to honor and cherish but to doing all the little things your family has found to work. It would make your vows incredible personal and naturally unique. This, coupled with any combination of the great ideas proposed in this thread, would create a personal and meaningful ceremony
We did the exact same thing. I wrote our ceremony, using different ideas I had collected on the knot. We had a welcome, an affirmation of intent (the I do's), the vows, exchange of rings, then an interlude (we just weren't into the unity candle/rose ceremony/etc. idea), a blessing, and the pronouncement of marriage. We aren't particularly religious, so writing the ceremony allowed us to put our personal spirituality in it. And for songs, we used "Silver & Gold", "Calico Skies", "Grow Old With Me", and "All You Need Is Love". I can't find my ceremony wording on this computer, but I can get it if anyone wants specifics.
One cerampny idea I really love is to have the seating for your guests in the round so that you are incircled by all the people you love. Another idea I really like is for each guest to choose one word each as a wedding blessing as you go around the circle. For example: love, passion, compassion etc.
For our January wedding, we asked a few family members who were comfortable speaking to choose a poem or verse which reminded them of us or moved them. My college aged brother read the Apache Wedding Blessing - which I orginally thought was trite & overdone. Standing there though, it was the most perfect selection. My father-in-law wrote a short story about growing older, watching his son become a man and the beauty of family. It was touching and immensely moving. I was surprised to receive so many comments (mostly from our male guests) on how much they loved the ceremony! (AND how many of these old, grown up fraternity types were crying during the readings!!!) Best of luck!
A friend will be officiating at our ceremony next year, too. Right now, we've been on the lookout for readings that resonate with us.
Writing letters to your parents and having siblings or friends read them out loud to your parents is something so touching and so special. I've been to two weddings where this happened and it was both warm and endearing. Since you have been together for 8 years each of you could address both sets of parents in your letters.
You could also ask each guest to bring a flower or another symbol of their support and love, and have a portion of the ceremony dedicated to them presenting those small tokens to you. Best to you whatever you choose. :)
The original touches in our ceremony were:
- we did a ring warming
- we asked my husband's grand-mother, who's been happily married twice, to share her advice about marriage (she wrote the sweetest little speech)
- instead of formal vows, we gave each other a declaration of love. It took the form of a short speech recalling important moments of our life together, and the reasons why we chose to unite our lives (we each wrote our sections separately so it would be a surprise... I cried all the way through mine :) ) Then we had the usual "do you take so and so to be your wife/husband".
We also had readings (Pablo Neruda wrote gorgeous love poems that are just perfect for weddings), and music by friends during the signing of the registry.