Dear Abby
One last question for the day!
Q. I hope you can help with some ideas for how to incorporate a wedding party into the ceremony. We have our immediate family standing in the front with us but where does the wedding party go? There are some family members that we definitely want to sit in the front rows but I also don’t want to overcomplicate this production. Also, have you ever heard of not having the party walk down the aisle but rather come from both sides of the room and then either sit or stand in the front rows? Also, any ideas for what we could do in lieu of floral bouquets for the bridal party so I can keep costs down, i.e., a single flower, a candle, etc??
A. There is something really sweet and intimate about sharing your vows with only your significant other…while close friends and family marvel at the beauty of a wedding ceremony. I think that a wonderful way to honor your close circle of friends is the create a wedding party…perhaps even ask them to wear similar attire…and have them walk down the aisle (or come in from the side), then quietly sit in the first or second row (just behind your immediate family). I’ve seen this done quite a few times and it always turns out lovely.
As for something that the bridal party can carry…I really think that they don’t need anything at all. If you are printing programs…a nice note, thanking your wedding party will certainly suffice. If you’d like them to have something, I agree that a single stem flower for the ladies and a boutonniere for the men is appropriate.
Honestly, I would follow your heart with this one…for many brides, tradition is beautiful. For others, simply having their loved ones around them, without the titles or placements, is the only thing that matters. Your friends and family know that you love them and as long as you include them in your joy while planning the wedding, they will feel more than appreciated.
I didn't do floral bouquets - the only flowers at the wedding were my bouquet and groom's bout. We had peacock feather fans for the ladies and peacock feather bouts for the guys. I definitly like gals with single, long stem flowers, parasols, and fans. Or, nothing. You could always use feathers to compliment a couple of flowers to keep costs down.
We had circular ceremony, so the chairs were in a circle and the bridal party 'connected' the circle in one of the 'walkways'. I was going to have them sitting in the front of the circle, but it was very nice to have them standing in the circle. If you don't have a big BP you could have them standing to the side facing the front, beyond where your family will be standing, if there is room?
I had a client do lovely handmade tissue bouquets (as seen in martha stewart) but that of course is if you have a lot of time and patience...
I've also seen a single flower. And a big favorite is forgoing flowers but then having each guest bring some flowers to contribute as part of the ceremony! The officiant makes a little speech about the bride and groom wanting to involve everyone there in their ceremony (obviously it's included in the invite to bring something), and guests can bring a flower they bought, a wildflower, something from their garden... my favorite has to have been the red peppers! :)
I am a 3x mother of the bride('s). We went the tried and true traditional route with my oldest daughter. Followed all the rules about who stands where, who walks in from where, who sits where, etc.
Second daughter...I just didn't agree anymore on holding onto some tradition that made no sense (in this day and age). So, since my daughter was willing, we changed the rules. It's fairly commonplace, now, for the couple to decide that they don't want a 'brides side' and a 'grooms' side when it comes to seating the guests. But, still, the immediate family tends to stay true to the historical rules. But, why? I wanted to see my daughter's face. I wanted her to be able to see my face and her dad's face, at a glance. So we switched sides. I made the grooms parents sit on the left and we sat on the right. We had an awesome view of our daughter's emotions and could clearly hear her on this of all days. Totally confused all of the guests...many of our own family thought we'd made a grave mistake. But it was wonderful. My memories are vivid...and didn't focus on the back of her dress.
My third daughter...well, I went back to tradition only because the grooms family would have been quite uncomfortable with it any other way.
Why do I tell you this? Because you must know that this is YOUR one and only wedding. Have your loved ones with you where YOU want them to be.
Have them sit or stand wherever it is most meaningful. Tradition to the wind! If having the bridal party come in from the sides works best, do it. If having them sit BEHIND your dear aunts and uncles, do it. You can have LOTS more meaningful photos of them later on during your celebration...and they'll love you for it!
Bottom line is that the people closest to you and your soon-to-be-husband should have the primo seats in the house. Banish the imaginery lines down the center or front of the church!
There are oh-so-many lovely traditions in marriage. But the wedding rules...well, I think it's time for some new trends!
For a recent wedding we produced for a client, we had the ceremony "stage" (actual square riser 24" off the ground) with guest chairs situated on all 4 sides.
We had our bridal party walk through 2 seperate entrances and then parent of the groom and bride (this was an indoor ceremony) each carrying several stems of orchids and meeting together on one side of the stage.
The bride then made her entrance carrying only a rosary and met both sets of parents at the foot of the stage where they offered her those stems to create her bridal bouquet.
This was also timed with very effective lighting and was very touching and dramatic.
There wasn't a dry eye...not even mine!